You Should Not Marry if You’re Not Capable of Taking Responsibility!

“And one of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought.”

(Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)

This ayah highlights the foundation of marriage: affection, mercy, and tranquility.

However, these values can only be established when the spouses are capable of fulfilling the responsibilities that come with marriage. As the messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said

“O young people! Whoever among you can afford to marry, let him do so, for it helps lower the gaze and guard chastity. But whoever is unable, let him fast, for fasting is a shield.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 5066, Sunan an-Nasa’i 3209

Marriage in Islam is not just a worldly contract or an emotional/physical relationship; it is a serious commitment with serious responsibilities.

الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means….”

(Surah An-Nisa 4:34)

Allah (ﷻ) has given us guidelines on how to manage this relationship, and failure to fulfill these responsibilities can lead to injustice, harm, and the destruction of family values that can lead you to Hellfire.

“It is sufficient sin for a man to neglect those who are under his care.”

(Sunan Abi Dawood 1692)

Marriage is a sacred contract that requires careful thought and preparation. It is a relationship based on love, trust, responsibility, and accountability.

A man is responsible for the physical, financial, emotional, and religious welfare of his family. If one is not capable of taking on these responsibilities, it is better to fast and delay marriage until you are capable of it.

The Consequences of Irresponsibility in Marriage

Marriage comes with responsibility, it is not just an escape from loneliness. If you cannot guide your spouse and provide for them, you are better off waiting until you are really able and prepared to get married.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) emphasized this in a profound Hadith:

“Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock. The leader is a shepherd over the people, and he is responsible for them. A man is a shepherd over the members of his household, and he is responsible for them. A woman is a shepherd over the household of her husband and his children, and she is responsible for them. The servant is a shepherd over the wealth of his master, and he is responsible for it. So, each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.”

(Sahih al-Bukhari 7138, Sahih Muslim 1829)

This Hadith clearly states that both the husband and wife have distinct roles of responsibility in the household.

The husband is responsible for maintaining the well-being, safety, and provision of his family, while the wife has responsibilities within the home.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said:

The world is sweet and green, and Allah has put you in charge of it to see how you will Act. So beware of the world and beware of women, for the first trial of the Children of Israel was concerning women.

Sahih Muslim 2742

This Hadith serves as a warning against entering into marriage without understanding its responsibilities.

You will be sinful for neglecting these duties.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) warned against neglecting family duties:

“It is sufficient sin for a man to neglect those who are under his care.”

Sunan Abi Dawood 1692

When a person enters into marriage, they are entrusted by Allah with the care of their spouse and children.

In marriage, neglecting responsibilities can lead to oppression of the spouse.

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) warned:

اتَّقُوا الظُّلْمَ فَإِنَّ الظُّلْمَ ظُلُمَاتٌ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ
“Beware of oppression, for oppression will be darkness on the Day of Judgment.”

Sahih Muslim 2578

If someone enters a marriage but fails to provide, guide, and support their spouse, they are guilty of oppression.

Neglecting to provide for them or Neglecting to fulfill their rights could lead to serious consequences in the Hereafter.

Marriage Requires Readiness

Marriage is not merely about fulfilling desires or enjoying companionship. It is about taking on a commitment that is significant both in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah commands husbands:

Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially. And righteous women are devoutly obedient and, when alone, protective of what Allah has entrusted them with.

(Surah An-Nisa 4:34)

This responsibility goes beyond financial support; it includes emotional, physical, and protection of religious duties.

“O young people! Whoever among you can afford to marry, let him do so, for it helps lower the gaze and guard chastity. But whoever is unable, let him fast, for fasting is a shield.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 5066, Sunan an-Nasa’i 3209

Conclusion

Marriage is a sacred contract that requires careful thought and preparation. It is a relationship based on love, trust, responsibility, and accountability. If one is not capable of taking on the responsibility that marriage demands, it is better to delay marriage until you are ready.

The consequences of neglecting one’s duties in marriage are severe, both in this life and the Hereafter. Therefore, it is not only wise but essential to ensure that you are fully prepared to shoulder the responsibilities of marriage before committing to it.

“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones…”

(Surah At-Tahrim 66:6)